An audience guide to concert etiquette

I certainly endorse the sentiments and tips in Benjamin Northey's recent posting for the MSO web site. See it at: Benjamin Northey's guide to concert etiquette

However, his perspective is from the stage, so here are my tips as a person who might be sitting next to you at a concert.

In short, these are:

• Use the gaps
• Be smart with swallowing
• Have cough lollies ready
• Take some water
• Get the free programme
• Be generous in bailing

Use the gaps

We all arrive at the concert with more than just our ears and sitting quiet for a while is not natural. So firstly I'd say DO use the gaps between parts to do things that make noise. This includes adjusting clothes, leafing through the programme, that last sentence of chatting with your friend, opening, rummaging around and closing bags. And yes, please DO cough, clear your throat, sneeze, blow your nose etc when the orchestra is NOT playing. True, some of these things none of us want to hear even then - but it's much better than while the music is being performed.

Believe it or not, you will have to be conscious about this. Even among those familiar with concerts, I frequently see people who spend the gap time applauding only to then realise that the next bit is starting when they were someone who actually needed to cough, get out a lolly, or somesuch.

Be smart with swallowing

We're humans not robots, we need to breathe, and your mouth and throat require you to swallow regularly. If you ignore this - and ironically if you get caught up in the music you will forget - then your body can make you do a catchup swallow that can turn into a cough. It's real - being tough won't help so you need to be clever. Not a lot, just a bit. You know your mouth and throat better than me, just do it as you need and as you find convenient.

Have cough lollies ready

Prepare by getting your cough lollies out of their plastic packaging before the performance and put them in a handy pocket, or in your hand folded in a small handkerchief. Just by knowing they're ready to hand you will be more relaxed and less likely to have a problem. These days I use two things - one always, one in need. The first is gum, which I chew slowly and quietly to keep my swallowing working. The other is a very strong type of mint, which being extra strong are good at suppressing both coughs and sniffles. My preferred ones have a maritime theme. This is not just about when you're unwell. Nobody's health is flawless and being in public means you might pick up a bug at any time, even during a concert.

Take some water

Alternatively a simple bottle of water can help deal with many situations. Depending on how your body works this may be an even better approach than my suggestions above. Do note that you'll need one that is quietly usable. Most are but a recent trend is for bottled water in shops to come in a very weak plastic that makes loud crinkle noises at the lightest touch.

Get the free programme

The most useful thing to seek here is what the structure of the concert is - how many works, what their lengths are, and when the interval is. Seeing the titles of the parts of a work is often good to check before it begins. Then set down or hold the programme in some way that it won't fall even if you get distracted. Yes, in every concert you will hear the sound of someone dropping the programme. The most annoying thing about programmes is the sound of someone fiddling with one all the way through. If you're a fidget then put it down so you can fidget quietly.

The types and availability of programmes is something that has changed in my audience member lifetime - they used to be expensive and often not helpful. Nowadays they are usually free and will tell you as much as you want to know. Note that it is sometimes not obvious where you get them. You may be handed them as you go to your seats but some venues just put them in piles in the foyeur.

p.s. I'll actually disagree with Benjamin a little here in that I think it can be good to let the music introduce itself to you rather than read about it first. However, it's a bit like choosing whether to read a book before seeing the film - it's both personal and either will variously work.

Don't obsess

For what it's worth, you'll never be perfect at all this. For that matter, there will be people at a concert whose bodies do not let them be as good as you. You are at a concert, not at home listening to a perfect recording. Do what you can, and then enjoy the astonishing humanity of hearing well trained hard working people play sequences of sounds created by another human, who may have lived centuries ago. The magic of this never fails to amaze me, even when I don't like a given piece.

Be generous in bailing

Alas, you do need to make the judgment of when your cold/sniffle is so bad that you just shouldn't be there at all. Being there and being unwell will be torturing yourself and those around you. Instead, think ahead a bit - maybe earlier on the day - and donate your ticket to a friend. Put the message out that there's a ticket for free. That's right - don't ask for payment! Having them fill in for you is a chance to turn your misfortune into someone else's joy. I'm confident that you will eventually get more back from doing this than it will ever cost you. The same will eventually happen to a friend in your network and having already donated you are likely to get a similar unsought boon in return. A tip - don't limit your callout by assuming who will be interested - this freebie may be someone else's introduction to an amazing aspect of life.

Addenda

p.s. two more things that I didn't want to clutter the list by including, but should be taken as read:

• Talking. If I've been too polite to be specific about talking during the concert - the very simple advice of course is to not do it at all ! You're not at home on the couch watching TV - you're in public, with us. A word or two in the gaps perhaps but otherwise wait until your outside.  
• Leaving. Once in a blue moon, none of the above will help and your only course of action may be to get out and recover yourself. Of course this covers other inevitable bodily needs too. Just be sensible, don't panic as there is no perfect trade-off between being quick and being quiet. We'll all understand - on another night it might be us.